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Living someone else’s life. That has most definitely been my problem.

What I have learned is this: one day, you will learn that you’ve done too much for someone, that eventually you will see that you aren’t giving up, it’s just that you have nothing left to give. It will become clear that the only thing you can do is walk away and stop doing everything. This is called drawing the line, drawing the line between determination and desperation. I’ve learned that the things that are meant to be yours, eventually will be, and what is not yours, no matter how hard you try, never will be.

So yes. This is hard; this is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It isn’t easy to just stop. It isn’t easy to walk away from something to which you have devoted hours and hours of your life. But what would be better if I stayed? Would I be better? Would I be happier?


I never believed this before, but in the end, all you have is YOU.

Just you. Only you can determine your fate, your future, and your dreams – unless, of course, you let someone dictate that for you. But eventually, that will get old and you will be alone. You will have you. You will have your brain. You will have your thoughts. And what you choose to do with those things is up to YOU.

Let me tell you. Depression is real. Anxiety is real. They make medications for these things, yes. They have counselors and psychologists and psychiatrists all over the world that you can talk to every single day. But if YOU are not determined to feel better, no matter how many drugs you take, you will never get better.

This isn’t to make you feel bad, okay. This is just to remind you that if you want to achieve your dreams, no one is going to push you but you. Your friends, your family, your whoever can encourage you and support you, but if you don’t truly want it and motivate yourself, you won’t reach your goals. So in the end, being happy is a choice. Letting go is a choice, and trust me, this hasn’t been easy for me to accept.

I had to let go of something I dedicated my life to – even if it was the right thing to do – and it was and is still extremely difficult. Sometimes I’m sad. Sometimes I’m terribly angry. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I want to give up. But I know that if I ever want to get where I’ve always wanted to go, I have to push myself. And yeah, that means waking up every single day and counting my blessings to remind myself to be positive. And yeah, that means talking myself out of my sadness and my anger sometimes so I can accomplish what I need to do.

From letting this go, I’ve reminded myself that I matter. That I am the most important thing in my life, because without me, I wouldn’t have a life. If I didn’t take care of myself, there would be no point to living. If I followed what everyone else wanted of me, I wouldn’t have a purpose. Everything else is secondary to that, to what I need. Trust me, that isn’t selfish; everyone deserves it.



You Deserve Better


Shout Out to Anyone Hurting Today

What does it feel like to be hurt by the person you love? Can you describe in words exactly what that feels like?

I’ve tried. I still don’t have a description.

But whatever it is, it isn’t pleasant; in fact, I’m absolutely sure that there’s nothing like it.

However, we were made to be strong people. We are people that strive to be positive and to be happy. So, how can you do that when you’re hurting? Trust me, I know it seems impossible. But here is what I’ve learned:

Think About Who Hurt You.

Did you deserve it? Probably not. Nobody deserves to be hurt. Does this happen often? Do you consistently feel this way? Please listen to me and understand that it won’t get better.

I’ve learned that sometimes all you can do is try; you can give every single piece of yourself and find that it still isn’t good enough, that they want more. Sometimes you keep trying to give and to give and to find more within yourself that might satisfy them, pacify them. But it won’t. It never will. All that happens is you find yourself near complete destruction.

This sounds extreme, and it is if you think about it, but these things just happen over time and sometimes you don’t even see it. Open your eyes, okay?

This is my piece of sunshine for you: You are worth it and you don’t deserve anything less than the best, no matter who you are. You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve to be free to accomplish your goals and dreams. You deserve to feel loved.

It’s hard, but let the bad out of your life.

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A New Change.


Hey Friends.

So. Where do I start? This year has not gone as I’ve planned, despite how happy my last post (in October) sounded. I don’t know if I should go into extreme details, but I just want to start over as I have in the other aspects of my life.

At first I thought about starting a completely new blog, but then I thought no. This has been my blog from the beginning, and it is the one thing I won’t throw away. So here I am, my lovely subscribers and readers, blogging sunshine per usual.

I have learned so much in the past month, so many things I had never really seen before. I’ve learned how to be an adult and how to be independent. I’ve realized how important my parents and my friends are in my life. And I’ve especially seen how much I’ve missed blogging!

So, I’m back for real this time. And that’s a promise. Got it?

From this blog on, it is a new beginning. A new journey.

Trust me. I’ve got a lot to share 🙂




My Lovely Bloggers!

Well hello there! I am so happy to be back! I’m sure you could’ve guessed; I have moved in to college and have started my classes. In fact, the first semester is almost at the half-way point, if you can believe it! To be quite honest, I LOVE Ohio State and being a college student. It has had its rough points with transitioning, learning how to study, and just finding out how to manage being independent. I guess it has been a thrill just understanding what it means to be “free!”

My floor has proved to be amazing; I love the honors dorm and the girls on this floor. It actually surprised me how much we bonded! We go out to eat meals all the time and visit in each other’s rooms; it has made the transition so much easier. I’m usually hanging out in Jamie and Rachel’s room down the hall and Sam finds her way in here too for homework time. We have had so many stupid adventures (without drugs and/or alcohol, I must say!) that we still laugh about to this day!

Classes are pretty good. Honestly, they are GE so nothing is quite intriguing except for FRENCH which I LOVE ♥ and have decided to minor in. After visiting my academic advisor way too many times, I also decided to change my major to Pre-Design which I can begin in the fall of 2013! I also got involved with a few student organizations but have only had time to really participate with two: The OSU Chapter of A Kid Again which volunteers with terminally ill children in local hospitals, and UNICEF-OSU that serves as a fundraising chapter of UNICEF for the United States’ fund. Rachel has gotten involved with me at the first A Kid Again social – blanket making – and that was a blast! I’ve also been accepted to the Buckeyes Blog team and I’m really excited to get involved with Women’s Glee and Mastersingers next semester with Jayma, too! ♥

AH, there is so much to tell but really not enough room to put it all, honestly! I love every minute – well, maybe not every minute – of college and I am so thankful for the people who have helped me through this crazy process. My parents, first of all, for supporting me from day one, moving me in, and listening to me cry about my first D. My sister from another mother, Jayma, for her constant encouragement as I screw up and find my footing. And, of course, my amazing friends Rachel, Sam, and Jamie for just being them. Oh. And my dog.♥

(L) Sam and I met President Gee outside my first OSU football game! (R) Two of my favorite girls, Rachel & Jamie, at the O.A.R. Concert!

(L) Justin came to visit and I took him to his first OSU game! ♥ (R) My roommate, Alisa, and me exploring the Short North.

(L) My beautiful and amazing R.A., Kristin! (R) On the bus for a trip to North Market!

(L) Saw President Gee while he was party-hoppin’! 🙂 (R) Did I mention I became a cheerleader? 😉

(L) Oh, you know. Singing in the rain. Inside. (R) My photography of the O.A.R. concert!

(L) Just building a roof in Rachel & Jamie’s room at 3am. (R) Sam and me in BUCKEYENATION! ♥

(L) Met a $2,000 Brutus at an antique mall in the Short North. (R) BuckeyeNation = HOME♥

And what better way to end than an amazing view from the 11th floor of Thompson Library? ♥

It’s Crunch-Time!


Have No Fear, Stephanie is Here!

What am I talking about?! I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing!

 Move-In Day at The Ohio State University is approaching quickly for those last-minute packers (like myself). The difficulty of leaving mommy and daddy’s house for the first time is setting in too, even for those who are excited. For an only child with parents dreading their experience of empty-nest syndrome, these next couple days are bound to be a little emotional!

Though I am clueless myself, I thought that my few pointers to avoid the nervousness about leaving may be helpful…

 Step #1: Take A Breather

A new experience awaits and, of course, that is a scary thought. We have no idea what we’re getting into and that makes us worry; the unknown is something nobody likes. Sit back and think about where you’ve been and where you’re going. The path is just beginning here, but to savor it, you must remember what you’ve done to get here. Personally, I think about graduation and the bits of fun I had in high school.

Step #2: Calm Yourself

It’s definitely okay to be afraid, nervous, and even anxious. Try to remember that while things are frightening at first, eventually you become accustomed and realize that there was nothing to be afraid of (like the monsters under the bed). If you’re like me, comfort food always helps; these days, it’s kettle corn. You can also make something that will reassure you like a map of campus noting where your classes, favorite study spots, or even friends’ dorms are located. Mine is below! 🙂

Step #3: Write it All Down

Whether it be blogging, typing, or using a good ol’ notebook (my personal preference), writing is a great way to get out the deepest and innermost thoughts spiraling around your head. With so much going on, it’s always nice to be able to release stress. Writing, doodling, and scribbling are all a wonderful part of the venting process!

Step #4: Spend Time with Family

It could be mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, your dog, or your fish. Whoever it is, you have to face the fact that you’re leaving them for a good amount of time. Of course, it’s different, and that’s why spending a good amount of time with family and friends before you leave is a perfect thing to get your mind off of leaving. My family and I went to Amish Country yesterday for a day of eating yummy food and window-shopping. Whether it’s going somewhere, playing a board game, or just sitting around the dinner table for once, spend some time with those you are leaving behind!

Step #5: Find What Makes You Comfortable

Leaving your neck of the woods is a little unsettling; a new room, new people and a new home await you at college. Take things that will remind you of the place and the people you have left behind. In my case, I printed some pictures to hang up around my room so I know that I’m never alone. Buying some college gear to make you feel more at home and a part of a group while on campus might be a great start to moving in. Check out my Buckeyes key-chain from Amish Country and my OSU tumblr cup! Hey, read the book! 🙂

Step #6: PACK

Okay, yeah…there isn’t really any way to make this more exciting but it is a necessary evil. My best advice would be staying organized and maybe spreading out so you remember what you’ve already packed. There are great packing lists and storage bins all over the place to help you feel more comfortable with packing everything up. For me, I decided to only take stuff for the end of summer and the beginning of fall because I’ll see my parents to exchange clothes before it gets colder!

What makes this process a little bit easier is remembering that every ending is a new beginning. Getting to college has taken twelve long years of hard work and determination. This is the start to our future!

Here We Come! New Buckeyes of 2012 🙂

Family & Friends Make the World Go ‘Round <3


Well, now that I’m in the mood…

I’ve decided that it is important to not only recognize the little things in life, but also those people who bring smiles to our days and laughter to our heart. I think sometimes they go unnoticed and we often fail to thank them for their influence in our lives. Well, here is my thank you to those dear folks in my life; who are yours?

♥ My Momma

I guess you could say that I would’t be here without her, huh? But besides that, she is a great friend and confidence when I really need her. Through the ups and the downs, she is always there for me and I feel lucky to call her mom.


I grew up as the daddy’s girl, a tomboy at heart. From pitching softballs in the front yard to learning how to use a lawnmower to playing Barbies, my dad did everything with me. I know that if I ever needed a thing, my dad would be right there before anybody else.

Grandma’s Cookies…

It wasn’t really the cookies, honestly, but my grandmas are the best. One taught me all about being a good person and the other took me to all the beaches in Huron just to see the water and play on the playgrounds. I could promise anyone that time spent with grandma is irreplaceable.

Best Friend.

The one who has gotten me through so much grief, tears, anger, smiles, and laughter: Justin. I know that no matter where we go in life, we will always be friends who love to goof off, have fun, and LAUGH. You are wonderful and I love you.


To have the one thing I’ve always wanted but never thought I would get is the best thing I could ever ask for. Jeremy, thank you for adopting me and loving me like any brother would. I couldn’t ask for a better big brother; you win overall.

Chorale Buddy 🙂

Oh Katie, what we have been through. From standing next to each other on the risers, to cuddling in bed at night, to showering together at our host houses, we have been through so much and still love each other to death. You are an amazing friend and I would be lost without youuuu.

Seesters are related friends♥

I was blessed with two beautiful half sisters who grew apart from me . . . maybe in distance, but never in heart, right? We’ve grown up to be great friends and that I am thankful for, along with my five lovely nieces and nephews!

High School Besties are never forgotten.

Rach and JordieLeigh: you got me through high school. From stupid fights, getting ready for dances, passing notes in class, sending each other crazy emails, all the way to visiting your sick friend in the hospital, you were both thee best friends I could ever ask for. I’m going to miss you so much! I already do. ♥

Oh, and my dog.

I know I mentioned him as a “thing” last night, but my dog is truly a person in my mind. This animal knows exactly when I’m upset and never leaves my side until I’m smiling. Call me crazy, but I love my dog.

“Friends and family are the chocolate chips in the cookie of life.”


My Ten Favorite Things (Other Than People)


I Believe:

Everyone has things in their lives that make the day simpler. I got this idea from another blog, though it was one hundred things (maybe I’ll get that far someday), but I thought it would be a great way to highlight the good things in life. I think sometimes we take the little things for granted and just get used to them….maybe after awhile we forget how important they are in our lives.Well, here are the top ten things in my life; what are yours?

#1. My Dog

The guy I’m going to miss the most while I’m at college! Adopted from a rescue shelter, my family and I helped nurse Jersey back to health; he was a tough little guy. I swear he understands me more than I think; he knows right when to be by my side!

#2. Notebooks

I sure love my writing! Now that I’ve adapted to writing my stories on the computer, I don’t use notebooks as often, but I used to fill them with my handwritten novellas. I have piles of them but still love to write away (:

#3. Music

Oh, my sweet escape. What emotion is there that music fails to describe?

#4. Lake Erie

I’ve grown up around it and it will always hold a place in my heart. Seeing the water always seems to calm any frustration..

#5. Lucky Charms

My breakfast every morning and sometimes a late-evening snack. It can be eaten moist or dry; it doesn’t matter!

#6. My Droid X

Since most of my friends live so far away, it’s nice to be able to keep in contact so easily. Honestly, the best phone ever made in my opinion! Can’t say I could go a day without it. ♥

#7. The Ohio State University

My newest home! The achievement I am most proud of….How firm thy friendship – OHIO! ♥

#8. My MacBook Pro

Truly the most useful companion. Perfect for my blog, social media, photo-editing, and story-writing!

#9. The Ohio State Fair

Ah, how the fair never ceases to amaze me! The food, the many different people, the animals, the rides, and the festivities! I don’t know if I can go a summer without visiting the good ‘ol fair, even when I’m out of the youth choir!

#10. Crocheting

Everyone needs something that calms them down and for me it would be crocheting. Whether I am sad, angry, or even happy, I can take it out on my work. What a wonderful hobby!

“Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.”

-Mother Teresa